Just read and think, guys. I love you all too much to let this break us apart.
And try to read all the way. I think it's important.
I've spoken/emailed a few people, and got stories from several perspectives, and I think I can kinda see whats happening. This may not be the case, however, and regardless, I'm not going to say who these people are, and I'd prefer you not to ask me or each other who talked to me, cause what people said was in confidence and was based on the trust of several years of good, solid, loyal, joyous, beautiful friendship.
A friendship that some of us have shared for years. I, personally, knew most of you from year five, some, even earlier. Friendships started to be cemented in year 6, with Alana bringing me closer to Carrie and Debbie, and therefore, Annie. I got to know Emily and Ivy better, and spoke more to Eve, but it wasn't until year 7 that I really started to trust and rely on you guys. Year 7 was also the year that I met/got to know the other half of you. Anita, Veronica, Whitney and Jane I got to know more in English, and eventually, inserting a hefty dose of Eve's mental/crazy/awesome, had some of the best times of my life in writer's group with. We talked about anything and everything - including that really personal stuff that sometimes you won't even say to yourself. Ivy's fanfiction addiction of the time also led to endless, stomach hurting laughs at lunchtime when we were all stuck inside for wet weather, as she regaled us with stories of twilight fanfics she'd read. Emily, then, I think it was, hit upon whipped cream, that total fail of an inside joke that still makes me laugh whenever I think of it, and results in awful, Robert Patterson/Whipped Cream/Cherry/Bed pictures being stuck in my head for hours (and hopefully yours too, now :).
I remember when Whitney found out, she laughed so hard she cried, but he had to explain it to Carrie, Debbie and Annie in maths. I think that was when I first realised what the 'realisation sound' was - a perfect, hilarious chrous, the soundtrack to a 'light bulb moment'. That realisation noise became the highlight of my maths lessons. Soon after whipped cream, Jo started getting dirty (dirty minded, people! Minds out of the gutter!), and hilariously so. I think, Jo, that you corrupted us all, and in the best, possible way. I can remember, you and Emily would sometimes try and tell Debbie and Annie dirty jokes (Carrie just rolled her eyes :), to try and make them blush a bit. One day, instead of you guys having to explain the wrong-ness to Debbie, Annie did, then shot back some wrong-ness of her own - if only you could have seen your own faces. And Annie? That was when I think we realised you were (actually, are), perfect in every way. XD
Then, in year eight, when Alana left, we all cried, realising what a huge part of our lives she'd been, and that we really, really, truly didn't want her to go. Even then, at one of the harder times (or so I think) in our social lives, I realised that my friends were some of the strongest people I know. Emily was always a shoulder to cry on, even when she, herself, was really upset. Almost always the first to notice something was wrong (and with any of us), she'd be ready to talk, listen, hug or just sit in silence with. She was an absolute rock. And then she made that awesome Tumblr (Emily Tjeuw, I am your number one fan. Seriously.) Jo, too, has always been incredibly supportive. I remember when Anita was really bummed out about science marks - Jo was the first person there to commiserate with, a bottomless well of empathy.
Anita herself, well - what can I say? Fanfiction genius, writer extrodinare and tennis fanatic. She's been so mental and brilliant that it's hard not to laugh or smile, every other time she opens her mouth. (shh, seriously, don't tell her it's just cause of the thing)
(Anita, seriously, there is no thing. bad joke. awkward silence. moving on. Sirusly.)
Debbie's always been a dreamer - seeing the best for the future, and asking the big questions no-one else really wants to. I reckon that philosophy is overrated, at least once you've stared at the clouds with Debbie. At sleepovers, she'd be the first to talk about dreams and hopes - what we want out of life. And she'd be the first to tell you you could get there, too, and not to let anything stand in your way. And, of course, she got us all addicted to Glebe Markets (damn you, Debbie!), which was soon joined by San Churos (NOT SURE WHO THIS WAS - IVY/JO? BUT DAMN YOU!)
And if Debbie is a dreamer, then Veronica is a solid, steady pillar of support. Like a living, breathing, smiling, Harry Potter/Bones/Hetalia obsessed Wikipedia. Only more accurate - and she's always given her 110% for everything. Even now, when Anita and I are lazy writing slugs (remember The Story, everyone else? The Harry Potter one?), she's been emailing us plotlines and notes and facts and designing the most amazing Yule Ball dresses for you all. Harass her to see them. Really. They're amazing.
I can remember the days we asked you all about what each other Patronus' would be - and you all gave the most honest, insightful answers that we never could have come up with on our own - that really were completely perfect.
I can remember those long, hot summer days towards the end of each year, where we'd just sit underneath the tree or on the grass at lunchtime and just…talk. I think we were always honest with one another - at least, it always seemed that way to me. Those were the lunchtimes where time seemed to stand still, and the bell ringing was almost painful. We'd talk about school, about exchange, about family, about dreams.
God, we even talked about actual dreams! Last year we'd sit outside the lockers, near college hall, and talk about the dreams we'd had last night. Emily and Ivy started that, I think. I remember there was at least one dream of everyone standing on platform 9 3/4…
But back to year 8 - it was the year of disney (really, was anyone else starting to want to kill Ivy and Emily cause whenever they opened their mouths, they quoted a disney show, practically finishing each other's sentences?), of polyvore, of the beginnings of The Story. Debbie and Emily made polyvore's for everyone's birthday - and they were amazing - the essence of that person crammed into one tiny, digital square. Yet another of Jane's artistic talents was revealed, and we wrote her a passage which turned into a commission which turned into the best birthday present I've ever been given - a drawing of us all, at Hogwarts, as happy as we were in those summer lunchtimes, not worrying about exams, or teachers, or family, or instruments, or uni or exchange or anything.
And when I think of everyone, of you guys, of everything you've been and done, that we've been and done, I get this feeling when I'm kinda warm and happy inside for a moment, and it's like no matter what happens, everything will be alright, and I can't help but smile a bit.
We've all been through so much together - friends leaving, new friends coming (Eve, Mich, Sam, Amanda, the mysterious Sang Hee), fights and making back up. We've always been there for each other - the thousand emails of support before someone has a piano or ballet exam, going to watch each other's music elective performances (okay, well, maybe just whit's, em's and sam's) and text messages at 2.00am on your birthday (Jo and Deb - we need to talk about acceptable messaging hours :D) that make you feel like someone is there.
It's all the little things that make me realise how brilliant we all are together, and how, really, we hold each other together. Sure, sometimes, we might tear each other apart. We might say and do things we regret, and we might suddenly think we're seeing other sides of people. But the fact is, those things we say and do? We regret them. And we're not seeing other side of people - we're just seeing the whole person. No one is ever perfect. Everyone snaps, eventually. And friends, true friends - then they're there to help pick up the pieces, even if they're mad at each other, even if they think the other person has changed. Sometimes, they might not say sorry - and usually cause they're too horrified at themselves. They might take it out on those they love, for the same reason, but knowing, deep down, that they're only attacking those people because things pass and true people, those friends who love you back? They'll forgive you.
That's what true friends do. That's what you've all done for me, at times, and often, for each other. If we couldn't help each other, swallow our pride, remember the good times and realise that in the long run, the bad is far, far, far less than the good, then we wouldn't be true friends.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that yes, recently, things seem to suck. But from what I see, most people are scared about losing each other, even if they're not sure they're quite ready to forgive, yet. Most people are scared of a rift between their friends, cause they don't know what they'd do without them. And most people are scared because they love the others too much to ever pick one or the other in the end, and they don't want to lose all the good times they've had over one fight. Cause they've seen that happen, and they're scared they're feeling it happen, and they don't want it to happen to them.
Maybe they can't quite see things from the other person's side yet, and maybe they never will. But if those good times and that trust and love really did mean something, then they can see all that through the bad, and they can see it on the other side.
At the moment, the other side may seem a way off - everyone is confused. But really, shit happens. People do stupid things and say things they don't mean. And for a while, they forget the good.
But I think our friendship - all our friendships - are strong enough to beat the dark stuff, and to eventually forgive. Because it would be such a waste to let everything go over a fight. And I don't think anyone, no matter how mad/upset/confused they are, really wants to lose all the brilliant stuff we are.
So just remember the good stuff, say sorry, even if you're not sure why, and try and try and try and forgive - think about everything you've done for each other, rather than what's ever gone wrong. Concentrate on the good, not the bad. Cause the way I see it - these relationships that make us up are not a cup half empty/cup half full situation - that cup is freaking overflowing, and a little bit of pressure needs to escape. But then that cup'll be balanced again, and clear and very photogenic. :)
I don't want to lose anything, here. I don't think anyone does. So remember the good stuff, guys. Don't let the bad dominate your mind. You guys do love each other - talking to quite a few people, i know that. Just, try and remember it.
Please, try and remember it.
