and by the way...someone i would push off a cliff

because that was pathetically short and boring, i'm cheating and posting another.
this is actually much harder, because there are so many to chose from. see, voldy can just fly back up (and kill me), edward cullen wouldn't die (but kill me), if bella, then i have edward and jacob chasing after me (not bad, except they're trying to kill me). so i'm thinking someone human and real. the problem with that is i don't know many real people. so does anyone want to volunteer? *looks at jo*.

dear river song
firstly, i hate to tell you, but your hair is not blonde, no matter how hard you try. 
and mine is. =)
next, that sonic screwdriver technically can't exist 'cause the 9th doctor destroyed wherever it is where they are made and its now a banana plantation. therefore, you really own a banana. yum. (thanks tess)
next. you are not married to the doctor. i am. i know. i checked. so step away from my husband. 
and i don't care how all knowing and mysterious and tough and sensitive and all-wordly and 'witty' you are -   he is mine.
hope you are well,
yours sincerely, 
Mrs The Doctor.